Gay Penguins My Ass

It's bad enough those homo cowboys got awarded a prize from the liberal secular humanist Hollywood God-haters for breaking their backs in the mountain (code for homosexual sex acts), but I recently read more lies from the liberal etc media. It seems they won't stop at anything to promote their perverted sicko homo agenda down our throats. Now they've turned their evil, diabolical (I know I'm repeating myself, but this message has got to be heard) apostate ways to the animal kingdom. I'm not talking about those New Zealanders having their way with sheep, but those unbelievable lies about homosexual penguins.

What God-fearing man, woman or child could think of such a perversion? Is it because these birds look a bit silly in their tuxedo-design? Is that why this ridiculous story has been dreamt up . . . to discredit the sacred created order? In Genesis it makes it clear that God has made them male and female -- Adam and Eve. Nowhere do we read that God made Adam and Steve, alright. The plumbing just doesn't work. I've tried it that way with my wife, and believe me, it's just not the way it should be.

Now if God made humans with such clear distinctions, telling them in no uncertain terms that they would suffer eternal hellfire if they had homo sex, why on earth would he let penguins shack up together? Come on! The story says these male penguins from South Africa in some animal enclosure in America have made a nest together, when there are all sorts of randy female penguins around to get it on with. Now, that is another problematic bit of info -- I always thought that penguins were the epitome of good traditional Christian values. One penguin husband, one penguin wife. Now I'm supposed to believe that these penguins are defying the created order by acting like cheap whores? And worse, that two male penguins are living together and probably watching re-runs of Will and Grace!

After reading these lies, I went into my backyard shooting range and went ballistic. I shot off so many rounds that half my ammo supplies have been depleted. I felt a little better. Until I turned on my new TV (a few faithful sponsors bought the story about me needing additional funds to purchase a new rocket launcher for my Sudanese mercenary army). It was a documentary about those penguins . . .