Black Gold

At long last ... I can now proudly state that my organisation is multi-racial. After weeks of tireless interviews, I finally struck gold.

I finally found the perfect replacement receptionist. And she is black. What a brilliant stroke of luck, a black woman who packs a gun, can shoot almost as well as me, hates Communism, humanism, evolutionism, homosexualism, paganism, secularism, antichristism and every other evil-ism. Before she answers her first call, however, I need to have pre-warned my entire support base that when they hear 'yebo' on the other side of the line, they have not got the wrong township number.

Here's the beauty of it all ... this woman used to be a trained ANC terrorist. Somewhere along the line, she found one of my millions of tracts distributed in the 80s on one of my many cross-border *evangelistic* crusades. She kept it secretly hidden -- at one stage, in an unmentionable orifice -- and the seeds I planted grew in the darkness until one day emerged a cactus of righteousness that will withstand the most scorching onslaught of wickedness. In short, she repented of her evil ways and surrendered her life to Jesus. Thank goodness for my tract, which helped her to realise that a true Christian does not need to disarm, but simply change sides.

So now I have hired her as my new receptionist. But this is a glorious smokescreen ... she is also going to act as a political spy in enemy terroritory. You see, her father is a leading political figure. And he thinks she is simply doing some charitable Christian work, not working for Paintball Pete. The Bible does speak of God blinding the eyes of the wicked ... perfect example of a modern miracle. Or righteous deception, if you will.

Fight the good fight.