No Surrender

I can't believe that people can't forget the past. I mean, why can't blacks just forget about the Group Areas Act, the State of Emergency, Bantu Education, Whites Only beaches, detention without trial, torture, murder, being called kaffirs, all that harmless stuff from the past? Instead they bring it up to excuse their incompetence, like turning off the lights when I was in my secret bunker doing another 'stock take' the other night. It was blacker than the darkest man in the township down there. I almost released a flare by accident that would have lit the place up but incinerated me in the process. In the blackness I thought it was my torch!

And if people could just forget all that bad press about me -- the harmless Halloween paintball fun, gun-running to the Sudan, being thrown out of several churches over the years for being such a militant fundamentalist, all that harmless, misunderstood, inaccurate stuff. I'm not saying I'm ever going to forget the accusations and the persecution. I'll get my own back one day. When they're least expecting it, I'll come up on them like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head! But for the sake of my crucial missionary work in Africa, I really wish everyone would just ignore the negative stuff. Focus on the good work I've done, like saving penguins from oil spills, taking Bibles and much-needed military supplies into war zones, and fighting the communists and their secular humanist left wing friends in the media.

And I have one wife. Doesn't that count for something when every second person is aborting their offspring and having wild sex with everything that moves, including cowboys in the mountains and woolly New Zealand sheep?! I know there are rumours about me behaving like the ex-deputy president or perhaps like that Clinton guy in the White House. I'm not going to comment, other than to say that I never had sexual relations with those so-called Christian women who have accused me of impropriety. I may have helped a few whores undress and wash off the red paint I shot them with -- to warn them of the coming wrath of God for their sinful ways. And while doing so I may have touched them inappropriately by accident, but it wasn't in the missionary position. That's my position on the subject.

I'm not going to buckle under the persecution, if that's what you're thinking. No ways I'm going to be a pussy who flies the white flag when the gunfire gets a bit intense. Jesus was no pacifist and neither am I. He was a warrior, fighting off the demon hordes of darkness, just like I have to here among all the ancestor worshiping blacks! I know some leftist twit is going to accuse me of hate speech and racism, but I was brought up to call a spade a spade, to see the world in black and white instead of a homo New Age rainbow!

Fight to the end.