Pete for President

I assume you assume I'm one of those Rapture pundits, right? You know, the Left Behind types who believe Jesus is going to miraculously vaporise His chosen people and then punish the rest of the world for seven terrible long years, during which time there will be some dramatic conversions to Christianity and a worldwide assault of demonic proportions on all that is godly and good. Armageddon, call it what you want. Then Jesus appears and obliterates the antichrist who has led the whole world astray except for the newly redeemed fundamentalists.

I like it in theory, I really do. Who wouldn't like this kind of godly mayhem to straighten out sinners? But it's all bull[rest of word deleted].

Sure, the Lord Jesus is going to return. Mark my words. Better yet, highlight your Bible in all the right places, especially those that say He is going to hurl evildoers into the Lake of Fire together with homosexuals and ancestor worshipers.

But I'm into a world takeover kind of theology. It's also called Dominion Theology. I like that -- take dominion of the planet, baby! When we do finally rule the world, we'll bring back the Mosaic Law so we can put to death all the evildoers in one gigantic bloodfest. Man, what a day. I can't wait and I certainly hope I'm still around or the Lord sends me back to see the spectacle. One thousand years of torturing reprobates, homosexuals, liberals, Muslim terrorists and black communists, school teachers who insist on teaching kids that we're related to apes and everyone else who won't get with the programme.

So that's it in a nutshell. The world is going to get better, much better. As soon as every nation can have a Christian president -- or one superpower with a godly leader can subdue the rest of the planet -- then the thousand year Reich will begin.

I would stand for president, yes I would.

Fight the good fight. Vote me for president of the New World Order.