The Day Liberty Escaped

Ironic, isn't it? Tomorrow is Freedom Day in South Africa, the annual celebration of the (tragic) day that power was given from whites to blacks. It's the day people like me commiserate about the loss of freedom, rather than celebrating some [word deleted] up idea of liberation. Blacks have stuffed up the country ever since. Now we have abortion on demand, no capital punishment, gun control, corrupt officials stealing tax payer's money, a new constitution that refuses to honour God Almighty, and I can't even get away with a little harmless fun like paintballing demonic devil worshippers on Halloween. That's not freedom, that's diabolical satanic rule!

It's also ironic because I've received word from my submissive warrior wife that Liberty, my Sudanese convert garden boy, has escaped. The little bastard must have discovered my secret tunnel while pruning the rose bushes on the North side of the garden and made a run for it. The tracking device I embedded in his right forearm will help me find him as soon as I get home. I've been hiding out at Frik's farm ever since making it across the border in the early hours of this morning. As soon as it gets dark, I'll make my way back home, surprising my family with a few souvenirs from my travels -- a small rock for each of them, with their biblical names engraved on them and a Bible reference to remind them where their holy names can be found in the Word.

Then I'll begin my electronic tracking of that little [words deleted] heathen. His punishment will be swift and brutal. I can't go into it now, but if you're thinking I've grown a little more aggressive since going underground . . . well, you'd probably be right on the money. But as soon as I've had some missionary-position sex with my submissive and willing wife, sung Onward Christian Soldiers a few times and inspected the stock in my secret bunker, I'll be able to treat the little [words deleted] heathen more justly. Don't worry, it will still be swift and brutal.

Fight the good fight. Freedom is our right.