Below The Red Radar

BG invited her commie father to a mission braai yesterday. It was a carefully orchestrated event that may easily become material for a spy thriller one day -- I've been thinking more and more that I should start a film production company to take back that godless industry and spread some God-fearing instead of Christ-hating. I'll change Hollywood to Holy-wood.

But I digress, as usual ...

So BG's father came to the braai with his bottle of whiskey and enough meat to feed a small but hungry tribe of cannibals in Borneo. I had to send one of my staffers to buy more wood. As I was saying, we had spent many days and nights planning this day. We posed as an NGO that builds houses for the poor and just happens to be Christian. I knew this would help us fly under the commie bastard's radar. Just in case he recognised me from all the media publicity I've gotten over the years, I went under a false name and even grew a beard for the occasion. My warrior wife said I looked a lot like Chuck Norris and even screamed out his name while we were getting intimate in the missionary way the night before. I was quite happy to be associated with my film hero, even if my wife was acting like a right whore. Certainly did wonders for my performance.

I digress, again ...

So BG's politician father was none the wiser and fell for our righteous deception hook, line and boerewors. I think the whiskey helped as well. These commie swine can only drink like alcoholic fish ... I had to bite my lips raw restraining myself from quoting countless verses from the Bible about the folly of drunken debauchery, but then again, what else can we expect from unbelievers? So I sipped my grapejuice and listened to how he was working on ways to make even more money from the 2010 World Cup. Thieving bastard. I knew these commies were all crooks ... the NP would never have lined their pockets if they were still in power.

He drank a lot, ate more than a small tribe of hungry cannibals and told some very off-colour jokes. But they were at the expense of gays, so I didn't have to put on my laugh. It was genuine! I even memorised at least five of his jokes to tell in my Bible study about the abomination of homosexuality next week.

By the end of the evening, we had found out a few bits of information that will come in really handy in the future. Like which high-ranking government officials actually have shares in the porn industry and how I can make use of existing loopholes to hold onto my small armoury of weapons without falling foul of the law.

I've invited him to a staff paintball event in a few days time. I may try out a few of those frozen paintballs soaked in battery acid that I used on Liberty the other day. He'll never see it coming, but he'll sure as hell feel it.

Fight the good fight.