Blue Monday

I was met with the most disgusting sight this morning as I turned on my PC to check my email. As soon as I log on, my computer automatically takes me to my ministry's homepage. I may be more conservative than the Amish, but when it comes to advancing God's cause, I have no qualms about using technology. The same cannot be said of the Amish.

As I was saying, I had one of those blue Mondays. But when I say blue, I don't simply mean a depressing it's-back-to-work-the-weekends-over kind of thing. I don't feel depressed to get on with the Lord's work, so I have to be talking about something else. Which I am. This is it .... blue as in PORN!!

At first I thought I had been misdirected to a porn site because of some *research* I'd been doing over the weekend, but it turns out that some diabolical servant of the dark lord hacked into my missionary website. And to make matters worse, he/she did not simply make his/her/it's evil presence known like some hackers do. This wicked spawn of Satan posted the most disgusting porn images I've seen in a long time where there once were only pages of all my glorious exploits for Jesus in darkest Africa. And to add insult to injury, it looked a lot like Liberty giving my wife a good seeing to. I can't be certain, but that Sudanese convert's privates are not that private -- I have had to strip-search him on a number of occasions when I suspected him of stealing a paintball or two (I guess I'd do the same if I was the family's moving paintball target).

I don't suspect my faithful wife of becoming a porn star in a moment of insane weakness. But I've deleted all the porn vomited from the pits of hell onto my website, so I'll never know the truth. I'll have to undergo some secret psycho therapy to delete the images from my mind, and with it all traces of suspicion. But before I undergo this reformating of my mental hard drive, I'll be trying out some frozen paintball pellets dipped in battery acid on Liberty this afternoon during family paintball.

Fight the good fight.