Borat Hates Christians

I watched the Borat movie last night. I feel that I have an obligation to research potential threats to the only true gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, in order to let the faithful know what Satan's next movie is ... I mean, what his next move is. By the way, if you haven't already figured this out, the Dark One loves the movies. He hurls all the filth and smut of hell at audiences, corrupts minds and turns masses away from Jesus. The Borat movie must have been in production in the fiery dungeons of hell since Lucifer was cast out of heaven. Yes, it's that bad, my paintballing Bible-believing friends.

The offensive film is about a reporter from Kazakhstan who goes to US and A to learn from American culture and thereby benefit his glorious nation. From the outset, I almost choked on my popcorn as Borat introduces us to his sister, the fourth best prostitute in Kazakhstan. Then he arrives in New York and masturbates in public outside a lingerie store—I know how he feels as I've been tempted to do the same thing quite often, but I draw the line when this kind of perversion is displayed on the silver screen by a Jew impersonating a Kazakhi infidel. What would Jesus think?

I had just managed to dislodge the popcorn kernel stuck in my throat when a disgusting display of homosexual behaviour spilled off the screen and polluted the entire cinema. Borat engages his producer in a naked wrestling match, which must have excited the entire gay community but revolted my godly heterosexual eyes. Yes, I did laugh at the scene and urinated slightly in my pants in the process, but this does not mean I have homosexual tendencies and it does not justify this foul act. If true Christians like me ruled the world, sinners who ran around hotels butt-naked would be publicly stoned. And movies like this would never be produced.

The most offensive scene was yet to emerge from Lucifer's dark imagination ... Borat visits a fundamentalist Pentecostal church and takes the piss without these dear Christian brethren sniffing the sulphur. Jesus is not to be mocked, my friends. Borat clearly hates everything Christian—he has prostitute family members, engages in perverted homosexual acts and behaves like a demon-possessed fool in the Lord's house.

I left the cinema still coughing up pieces of popcorn, trying to hide a wet patch in my pants and vowing to let the world know that Borat hates Christians like me—and we should hate him back. How? By not going to see his movie. I know I can't actually not go and see his movie as I've already seen it, but I can warn you not to see it unless you want to offend God and also explain why you have wet pants when the video tape of your life is shown in heaven on Judgment Day.

Fight the good fight.