I Love a Good Grilling

I have so many critics out there I can't keep up -- the liberal secular atheist humanists hate me because I'm a devoted disciple of King Jesus, and the liberal practically-secular compromising Christians don't like me too much either because I supposedly present a distorted view of the faith. They don't like being painted with the same brush. Well, I'd like to paint them with something -- a million frozen paintballs to the back of the head at close range! I don't have anger management issues, either -- righteous rage is totally biblical. You think throwing evildoers into the Lake of Fire is a peaceful gesture? Think again, my misguided critic! If God can get pissed off, so can I.

Anyway, thought I'd spend some time answering the scathing, defamatory, character-assassinating questions of my critics. So here goes, no iron fist in a velvet glove -- Pete does not pull his punches. (Ask Liberty any day if you doubt me, infidel.)


1. Are you really a Christian?

At the risk of answering a question with a question (a clever tactic when being interrogated by semi-illiterate terrorists): What kind of question is this? Of course I'm a Christian. I doubt your salvation for assuming a Christian who loves guns as much as I do, who promotes as much fundamentalist separation as I do, and who lacks even an ounce of compassion for the poor and downtrodden as I do, could not be a true Christian. I am the poster boy for true masculine Christianity.


2. Have you ever had a gun accident?

Other than ruining my TV by blasting it with my paintball gun when the grinning face of Nelson Mandela desecrated my inner sanctuary? No. I don't call shooting others because of mistaken identity as accidental. Unfortunate for them, but serves them right for being in the wrong place at the wrong time -- in my gun sites!


3. How can you be anti-abortion and pro-capital punishment, pro-war, pro-guns . . . ? Isn't that a contradiction of the term 'pro-life'?

Ooooh, I would love to get this critic alone in a dark alley. Idiot! Baby killers are nothing but murderers -- mothers and doctors are equal butchers of the innocent and powerless! Criminals who rape, murder innocents, hijack cars, steal loaves of bread, steal tyres off cars, have same-gender sex . . . people like this can't be tolerated and should be punished. And pagan nations that threaten our freedoms should be stopped, even if it means nuking the whole lot of them. This is the meting out of divine justice. It's what God has called us to do on His behalf. Read Romans 13. So I see no contradiction. I am pro-life -- I'm just not pro the life of criminals or anyone who doesn't agree with me.

I hear Liberty crying hysterically in the garden -- I think some demon-like bug has been attacking his prize rose bushes again. I better go and sort him out. I'll answer some more critter questions next time.

Fight the good fight. Always be prepared to give an intelligent-sounding answer to all of your detractors.