Borat Does It Backwards

You may remember how Satan used to deceive masses of youth through backward masking – if you played a rock music record backwards, nasty lyrics like Satan is god would emerge from the distorted, demonic sounds. Today, it's not really necessary to play rock music backwards – if you play it normally, the messages are perverse enough. And who can play a CD backwards anyway?

But who would have thought that subliminal messages were still being used by the Dark Horny Beast to deceive the masses? The Borat movie was full of obscene perversions, so I wasn't expecting anything to bombard my subconscious, what with the full-frontal assault on my righteous mind all over the screen. But I've subsequently learned that the wicked actor speaks Hebrew – so when viewers think he was mumbling in Kazakh, he was actually speaking Hebrew. So I got my hands on a pirated copy of the movie – when it's holy research, I'm always happy to break the law – and carefully examined what Borat said, looking up the English in my Simple Hebrew Made Simple For Simple Fundamentalists dictionary.

This time around I made sure I did not eat popcorn while watching the movie – I've had enough near-death choking attacks to last me a lifetime of movies. But I couldn't help wetting myself again ... praise Jesus, in the privacy of my secret underground bunker, embarrassing leakages are no problem.

So, there I was, carefully trying to figure out what Borat is saying in fluent Hebrew that most people, including stupid Kazakhs, think is Kazakh. And then I hear it, clear as one of those distorted backward masking lyrics that could just as easily mean Santa is a cockroach as Satan is the one true master out to destroy your soul ... I hear Borat in Hebrew saying stuff like – Christians are to blame for all the world's problems ... they should be fed to the bears ... I like naked men ... I serve Satan ... I want have sexy intercourse with Pamela Anderson ... Niiiice.

This is further proof that you should not go and see the Borat movie, unless you want to be possessed by Satan in the cinema of your choice and most likely become a homosexual Satanist five minutes after the film ends.

God has given me special powers to resist all subliminal temptations, so please don't be concerned that my spending the entire night re-watching the Borat movie will adversely affect my spiritual state. But the wet pants are piling up in the laundry basket! If you want to feel sorry for someone, feel badly for the maid.

Fight the good fight.

PS tsinataS a si taroB