Porn Prophet

The Adult World protest went down pretty well. I was a little disappointed that the leggy blonde who tried to assault me last time with a vibrator had either died of Aids, was off to a porn shoot or had been fired for her violent act of terror on a peaceful protestor. It's not often that a beautiful woman throws herself at me with a sex toy ... of course, that kind of behaviour deserves a violent act of self-defense, but the thrill of such a public scuffle leaves me with an indescribable feeling of righteous indignation and something else.

But instead of a leggy blonde, all I got was a few fuck-yous from a pimply faced youngster with greasy hair and an older guy with a grey ponytail and nose-ring offered to sodomise me. No vibrators, not even a blow-up doll this time. So all three of us protestors went home earlier than expected (for obvious reasons, my wife and kids don't accompany me on sex-shop protests). We left several Paintball Pete's Remedy for Porn Addiction tracts on car windshields, I prayed loudly for God to drive the sex shop into bankruptcy, and I left a special visual reminder of the terror that awaits all sexual perverts: a huge, blow-up replica dildo in front of the store with the words "Sex Toys Won't Be Of Any Use To You In Hell" written in large print with a permanent marker. I think the message will get through to the evildoers.

Fight the good fight.